I like pretty packages wrapped with beautiful bows. I like for my life to seem like a pretty package tied with a beautiful bow...even though it has never been perfect. I don't particularly like messy...although my mind thinks of our closet in our first apartment that we lived in when we were newlyweds. Oh, my heavens! I don't think we hung anything up for the first 3 months. It was a sight to behold. But, we didn't care. We were in love and that's all that mattered. We are still in love after 18 1/2 years of marriage but most of us choose to use hangers now.
Life seems to be kind of a mess right now. Believe me, I know it's not the mess that it could be, it's just not the neat package I want it to be right now either. I probably should have prefaced this post by saying Rachel and I have slept for only an hour. It's almost four in the morning now. If this post seems more random than usual...well there you go.
While I thought she was in her room sleeping, she was writing 14 pages in her journal. I encouraged her this afternoon to start writing a journal about this new adventure with the Lord. Fourteen pages? Wow! I don't know where she gets this. (I know my posts have been long lately.) She said that she felt much better getting it all out. Writing is cathartic for me too. I was tossing and turning while listening to "Buzz" sleeping, I mean snoring, next to me but all the while praying and thinking. I was watching the clock until it was time to give Rachel another dose of pain medicine. Since I can't seem to go back to sleep I'll just share what we know as of now.
We waited 2 hours to see the pediatrician yesterday. He pretty much confirmed what was already suspected by the radiologists. Our next step is to see a pediatric neurosurgeon. It is not an emergency but we need to see someone as soon as possible. We are asking God to show us to the right doctor and for there to be an opening in his schedule very soon.
God is already answering this prayer. The doctor that was recommended first doesn't specialize in this particular area. Thank you, Father; he is not the right one for us. I hope that you understand why I am not listing the name of the disorder just yet. I will feel more confident about the diagnosis when it is confirmed by the neurosurgeon.
I feel a bit selfish in even mentioning this but maybe this will help you understand my need for my life to be wrapped with a beautiful bow at this moment. My last three classes start in 6 days. What am I going to do? Also, I was asked to start teaching in two weeks for the beloved teacher who recently went home to be with Jesus. She was a big part of my decision to return back to school to become teacher certified. I feel so honored to even be considered for her classes. I just always pictured teaching along side her. They would like for me to start in 2 weeks. What am I going to do?
It's 4 in the morning and I've already had my devotion time with the Lord today. Do you want to know what He said? Often "God does not open paths for us before we come to them, or provide help before help is needed. He does not remove obstacles out of our way before we reach them. Yet when we are at our point of need, God's hand is outstretched" (Streams in the Desert). Oh, He is God and there is nothing that He can't do. He can certainly remove obstacles before we reach them, but if they are removed before we get there, then we would miss seeing His hand at work in our lives, wouldn't we?
I don't need the bow...I need His outstretched hand and the peace in knowing that He has all of the answers and all I have to do is reach out and take His mighty hand.
I like the poem at the end of the devotion for today:
"When you pass through the waters,
Deep the waves may be and cold,
But Jehovah is our refuge,
And His promise is our hold;
For the Lord Himself has said it,
He, the faithful God and true:
"When you come to the waters
You will not go down, BUT THROUGH."
Seas of sorrow, seas of trial,
Bitter anguish, fiercest pain,
Rolling surges of temptation
Sweeping over heart and brain-
They will never overflow us
For we know His Word is true;
All His waves and all His billows
He will lead us safely THROUGH.
Threatening breakers of destruction,
Doubt's insidious undertow,
Will not sink us, will not drag us
Out to ocean depths of woe;
For His promise will sustain us,
Praise the Lord, whose Word is true!
We will not go down, or under,
For He says, "You will pass THROUGH."
Annie Johnson Flint
It's not a bow that holds our life together; it's His hand. I can't think of a better place to be. Can you? So for now I'll take comfort knowing that His mighty hands are holding my family...there is great comfort there.