Welcome to my little corner of the world. I am so honored by your visit today. My name is Kristi and I am married to my college sweetheart(I refer to him here as "Mr. Incredible"), momma to my 2 beautiful girls who are growing much too quickly, a high school computer teacher, photographer, and a gardener (at times~right now I'm growing weeds). I love to laugh, drink strong Starbucks coffee, take pictures, and be anywhere my family is. Jesus is my Savior and I try so hard to be the wife and momma that He has called me to be. I often fail but He lovingly picks me up, dusts me off, and encourages me that with Him all things are possible. Feel free to join me on this journey of faith, stop in and say hello, look around, and leave a comment~I love comments. Why "Kiki's Corner?" My nephews call me Aunt Kiki and I love that too.

Growing Character

I love this family photo. I love my family!
Lately, my heart has been longing to go back to how we were in this photo...before tormenting headaches...before the scary diagnosis...

I've been wrestling with my flesh and my mother's heart who hates to see her child in so much pain. I know without a shadow of doubt that God is sovereign and He has a great purpose for all of this...I just don't like it very much. How's that for honesty?

I commented to my mom that I am not feeling "fine in '09." A lot has happened in this new year...things I never imagined that we would be dealing with. Please, don't misunderstand me, I know that things could be so much worse and I am thankful that they are not.

I have watched my oldest daughter suffer with an awful headache that has been around constantly since Christmas day. Some days are better than others, but she still has headaches.

I started wondering if our family was going through some kind of punishment. Have you ever wondered about that too? It was a weak moment. I expressed that thought to my mom who has battled a toilet tank that had a hairline leak in it that flooded 2 1/2 bedrooms and one bathroom this week.

She calmly replied that all of this is just "Character Building," and you know what? I think that she is right. It's my heart's desire to be more like Jesus every day. But some days, it's just tough! Growing pains are hard aren't they?

Rachel and I have only had few days where we were feeling down and weepy at the same time. I try to be the strong, encourager every day. But, unfortunately, I have my moments too.

Last week, I struggled with the silence of God. Have you been there?
I know this post is already long but if you are still reading this I want you to know this story too. It's from Streams in the Desert:

A Christian dreamed that she saw three others at prayer. As they knelt the Master drew near to them.As He approached the first of the three, He bent over her in tenderness and grace, with smiles full of radiant love and spoke to her in accents of purest, sweetest music.Leaving her, He came to the next, but only placed His hand upon her bowed bead, and gave her one look of loving approval.The third woman He passed almost abruptly without stopping for a word or glance. The woman in her dream said to herself, "How greatly He must love the first one, to the second He gave His approval, but none of the special demonstrations of love He gave the first; and the third must have grieved Him deeply, for He gave her no word at all and not even a passing look."I wonder what she has done, and why He made so much difference between them?"

As she tried to account for the action of her Lord, He Himself stood by her and said: "O woman! how wrongly hast thou interpreted Me. The first kneeling woman needs all the weight of My tenderness and care to keep her feet in My narrow way. She needs My love, thought and help every moment of the day. Without it she would fail and fall."The second has stronger faith and deeper love, and I can trust her to trust Me however things may go and whatever people do."The third, whom I seemed not to notice, and even to neglect, has faith and love of the finest quality, and her I am training by quick and drastic processes for the highest and holiest service."She knows Me so intimately, and trusts Me so utterly, that she is independent of words or looks or any outward intimation of My approval. She is not dismayed nor discouraged by any circumstances through which I arrange that she shall pass; she trusts Me when sense and reason and every finer instinct of the natural heart would rebel;--because she knows that I am working in her for eternity, and that what I do, though she knows not the explanation now, she will understand hereafter."I am silent in My love because I love beyond the power of words to express, or of human hearts to understand, and also for your sakes that you may learn to love and trust Me in Spirit-taught, spontaneous response to My love, without the spur of anything outward to call it forth.

"He "will do marvels" if you will learn the mystery of His silence, and praise Him, for every time He withdraws His gifts that you may better know and love the Giver. --Selected
I found great comfort in that story. A few days later Rachel was having a weak kind of day and struggling with the silence. I shared this story with her and we both cried.

Last night was an awful night for Rachel. She tossed and turned all night and said that she thought the blood was constantly rushing to her head which always intensifies her headache pain. We talked about all of the changes that have happened since Christmas day and then she said something that still echoes in my heart this morning.
She said, "I kind of feel honored that God chose us to go through this.
I feel like God chose us because He knew that we would still believe and have faith in Him. He chose us for a reason and for His glory."

And this Momma's heart rejoiced once again. She is wise beyond her years.

I admire her strength and her courage. She created a scrapbook picture of herself that says, "I may have (the diagnosis) but (the diagnosis) doesn't have me!"

She is so right. She is trying not to let her diagnosis define who she is.
She made it to school every day this week! She hasn't been able to do that since before Christmas break!

Several people at school and even some family members have just assumed that her headaches are gone. They are not. Rachel is just trying to live by faith and trusting in her Savior that despite circumstances, she "Can do all things through Christ who gives her strength" because "Greater is He that is in her than he that is in the world."

I may not blog about every incident and struggle with "the diagnosis" and the seemingly long wait for our neurologist visit on March 12th, because I want to honor my daughter's request that this diagnosis will not be what defines her but I do ask that you please continue to pray for her.

These are character building times around our household. If somehow we look a little bit more like Jesus than it will all be worth it!

I'd love to know if God is growing character in your life too. Would you please share it with us?

PS If you are new to myblog and want to know more about Rachel's story, you can click on my sidebar Index. The postings are listed from most current to the oldest. This new journey of faith began on January 2nd. Information is listed under "Rachel's Story." The name of the diagnosis is not listed as she would like for that to remain private right now.


CntryMomma said...

I am unsure of Rachel's dx but please let her know that I understand her pain. Last weekend, I had a weekend long migraine (that nearly send me to the ER) and this weekend it appeared the same would happen. I woke up late this morning and it's "just a headache" right now so I am making my rounds and take a LONG HOT shower.

Peace to her and to your whole family.


Angela said...

Dear precious sister, you can make this post as long as you want, I WOULD have read it right through.

Don't you just LOVE Streams in the Desert? I want to share this here, which you have probably already read, BUT so that others that find themselves in the same place may find comfort.

I shared with two ladies yesterday from this devotional. Each time I did, I cyred.
"Do you believe that your heavenly Father will let you carry the banner of His victory and joy to the very front of the battle, only to calmly withdraw to see you captured or beaten back by the enemy? NEVER! His Holy Spirit will sustain you in your bold advance and fill your heart with gladness and praise. You will find that your heart is exhilarated and refreshed by the fullness within."

Beloved sister, I KNOW what your going through, I KNOW the fears that can scream to you (they never really whisper do they). I KNOW the waiting. When my mother was told she had two months to live in November, when her MRI wasn't scheduled for a month after that, when the results wouldn't come back till TWO MONTHS after that, SIGH. A week later to find out that my own child had to have an MRI because the DR. believed they was a brain tumor or anersuym and the MRI wasn't for a month and half later, when I get the call that the results are in and we have to wait for three weeks to find out. I KNOW...but like your daugther said, I KNOW that God was building us up, making our faith in Him FIRM, our hope in Him FIRM, our trust in Him FIRM..and as I have cried out these last 5 months of the greatest battles my family has ever faced in our lives, I will praise You in this storm. That song from Casting Crowns has become my hearts cry!! I also say, 'whatever Lord, WHATEVER will bring You GLORY AND HONOR, than so be it", and yes, with tears streaming down my face at times..

Erica said...

Precious friend, I love how real you are. There are those times that do feel so much like a desert land. I want to share a verse with you right now that I have been challenged to memorize.
Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way IN the desert and streams in the wasteland.
The Lord will meet us right in the desert. It is there that he brings forth the streams! Even when we feel that we are wandering around in a wasteland, we have the assurance that He will show up. I am continuing to lift you all up.

Beth in NC said...

I am so sorry Rachel is going through this and I'm sure you feel helpless as her Mom to help.

I pray for healing and a great testimony!


sister sheri said...

Write! Write! Write! Some of us need to read! read! read!

Thanks for sharing that devotional... how my heart leaped while reading it...

And you my dear bloggy friend... continue to exude the Lord in your authenticity and trust!

Sheryl said...

Kristi, I seek your blog daily to hear about how you and Rachel are doing. ((Hugs and prayers))


Anonymous said...

Darling, in all your ways you are beautiful beyond desciption, deeply loved, and always in our prayers.


Debra said...


I pray for you and your precious family all the time. I know you don't always blog about it because of the very reasons you stated here...'you don't want it to define you'. However, when I click onto your blog and see those faces, I am mindful...and prayerful.

You asked a question about what keeps us unsure at times. Ready? Giving birth to my Joshua the doctors lost my heartbeat 3 times and it came down to me or him...we chose him. However, God in His infinite mercy saved us both. It did, however, leave me with a heart condition called cardiomyopathy. Up until this last year and a half it has been nothing but a little bit of a nuisance...but now, we have a bit more of a problem. My official diagnosis....ectopic atrial tachycardia secondary to cardiomyopathy with premature ventricular contractions! whew! mouthful huh? sounds kind of scary huh? Well, at one point I was so out of rhythm they told me to get my 'affairs' in order and they didn't know how much longer I had to live...that was about 8 months ago.

My heart...I have no idea sometimes...they are in a catch 22 with what they can do to with me. My system doesn't allow for much. It's not me or my heart I worry about though..or my hubby or my son. I have a daughter who is very lost. She is very far from the Lord and it's her that my mind and heart hurt for. It's her that my angst is over...the unsurety and the unsettling thoughts come before God. The wrestling.

Sorry for the long answer...but I want you to know how I can know your Mom's heart toward your sweet girl and I have written her name in my journal and I pray for her. And Joshua asks about her and we pray for her...and you...and Hannah. God is so good, Kristi.

And your transparency and love for Him shines so brightly of that very fact!

Lovin ya today! Hugs, my sister!

Tracy said...

I'm so grateful you've invited us alongside you for this journey. I can't tell you how much your honesty through this trial speaks to me.

We watched for 3 years one of the dearest Christian families we've ever known struggle through their daughter's seizure disorder. For weeks the seizures would be under control, then weeks and sometimes months, they would appear with a vengeance...not just daily, but often multiple times daily. It changed their life radically. Because we worked closely with her parents in our youth group, we knew their struggle intimately. Many, many people prayed for them continually, yet for the longest time she still struggled. She is now two years without seizures, but to this day, they've never fully defined the cause. The family has made peace with the fact they may never know (this side of Heaven) why the Lord allowed this, yet they remained faithful. They remain one of the dearest and now strongest Christian families we know. What a testimony. I believe Rachel is right, God has chosen her and your family for this journey.

Keep sharing from your heart...trust that we will continue to uphold all of you in our prayers.


Isaiah 26:3-4 (NIV) You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.

bp said...

Good morning Kristi, I am catching up this morning. Thank you for sharing your open heart with us. It is beautiful to hear of both you and your daughter's faith and trust in God. All those feelings you're feeling are valid. I am praying for your family today.