A fellow teacher sent this to me and I laughed out loud on several of them so I thought I would post them here on my LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! woo-hoo! School's out for summer!
Jeff Foxworthy on School Employees
YOU might be a school employee if you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick. (Remember I didn't write these...Jeff Foxworthy did).
YOU might be a school employee if you want to slap the next person who says, 'Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off.
YOU might be a school employee if it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.
YOU might be a school employee if you can tell it's a full moon or if it's going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! without ever looking outside.
YOU might be a school employee if you believe, 'shallow gene pool' should have its own box on a report card.
YOU might be a school employee if when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
YOU might be a school employee if you have no social life between August and June. YOU might be a school employee if you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
YOU might be a school employee if you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce.
YOU might be a school employee if you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the 'lounge.'
YOU might be a school employee if you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the U-HAUL boxes should they decided to move.
YOU might be a school employee if you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
YOU might be a school employee if you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public.
YOU might be a school employee if meeting a child's parent instantly answers this question, 'Why is this kid like this?'
YOU might be a school employee if you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference.
YOU might be a school employee if you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!
YOU might be a school employee if you know how many minutes, and seconds, are left in the school year!
Here is another list from Jeff Foxworthy.
You know you're a teacher when....
1. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.
2. You get a secret thrill out of laminating something (that is so true!)
3. You walk into a store and hear the words "It's Ms/Mr. _________" and know you have been spotted. (and its usually when I don't have my hair fixed or my makeup on....oiy!)
4. You have 25 people that accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another. (This happens ALL the time~even in high school!)
5. You can eat a multi-course meal in under twenty-five minutes.
6. You've trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day: lunch and prep period. (So true...so true!)
7. You start saving other people's trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom. (or VBS~right Mom?)
8. You believe the teachers' lounge should be equipped with a margarita machine.
9. You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off."
10. You believe chocolate is a food group.
11. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
13. You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public. (I totally do this!)
14. You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin.
15. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form. (Come on Starbucks!)
16. You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children. (I disagree with this one)
17. You can't pass the school supply aisle without getting at least five items!
18. You ask your friends if the left hand turn he just made was a "good choice or a bad choice."
19. You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils
20. You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer and finally,
21. You understand instantaneously why a child behaves a certain way after meeting his or her parents. (You know the old saying the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree!)
Ya'll have a blessed Friday!