There's a SSSSSNAKE!!!!!!

TAKS week is nearly over and I am so thankful! It has been eventful to say the least.

Yesterday, after I administered the sophomore level Science test, it was time for lunch. Knowing that I didn't have to be back at school for an hour and a half, I ate lunch and then decided to take a little siesta. I stood at my bedroom window to close my plantation shutters when I saw IT!

A snake was slithering across our driveway and into the side yard. This snake was different from the bull snakes that we normally see. This snake was more "L" shaped. it's tail was stuck up in the air and it was waving back and forth.

Oh my goodness gracious....it was a rattlesnake!!!!! Nooooooooooooo! I knew that I needed to do something about it but it was long and scary...and I was 20 feet away in the comfort and safety of my house. Mr. Incredible has taught me to always keep a hoe handy, but there was no way I was going to use a hoe on this scary thing.

I watched as a blackbird antagonized the snake. Finally, the snake headed for our road. I jumped into my suburban, sped down the driveway, lined up my tires with the snake, sped up, closed my eyes (oh, yes I did), and screamed at the top of my lungs when I felt my tires run over the top of the snake.

I turned my suburban around only to see the rattlesnake jump nearly 5 feet in the air. It was mad! I put the pedal to the medal and ran over it again...and again....and still that thing raised it's ugly head and flashed its fangs at me. I frantically called Mr. Incredible at work and told him what I was doing.

"How long is it?" he asked. I replied that I thought it was only a foot and a half long, but that I didn't have time to measure because the creature was still alive. He foolishly muttered something about it being a small rattlesnake (excuse me!) and then he told me to hit the gas, aim for its head and as soon as I hit him to slam on the breaks and to skid over it.

I was completely grossed out but I did what he said and it worked! He told me to take a picture and send it to him. He is such a guy! I'm freaking out and he wants a picture??? There was no way I was getting out of the safety of my car....the body was still moving!

I drove to the house, grabbed my camera and took this picture:

I know! Every time I look at it I want to hurl! The rattler is on his back so you can't see the diamonds, but it is a real rattlesnake. I was totally creeped out by the whole thing! Instantly, I broke out into hives and I think I broke into a cold sweat too. At that moment I decided that I no longer want to be Pioneer Woman when I grow up~I just want to cook like her!

And then I stopped by Happy hour at Sonic on my way back to school because if there was ever I time that I needed a Diet Cherry Coke, today was the day!

After pulling myself together, I returned to school and promptly thanked my principal and the athletic director for jinxing me just that morning (no I really don't believe in jinxing) with their rattlesnake tales that had already given me the hee-bee-gee-bees! I remember hearing myself proudly say, that I had never killed a rattlesnake and had never really seen one at our house and that we have lived there for nearly 10 years.

Wouldn't you know? They both had a good laugh at my rattlesnake story and then the principal announced to the entire high school over the loud speaker that congratulations were in order. Mrs._ had just killed her first rattlesnake. Great!

Students came from all over the school to hear my rattlesnake tale. Some of the macho cowboys were not as impressed when they learned that my weapon of choice was my good old suburban, but I don't care. I killed my first rattlesnake and I don't care to EVER do that again!

After school, nearly 2 hours after I ran the living daylights out of that snake, Hannah helped me roll it over. She is so brave!

We put it in the grass and measured it. It wasn't a foot and a half...it was 3 feet long!

And now I am forever done with gardening and mowing and landscaping because it's a jungle out there...a scary jungle!

To help me cope with my day, my family and I had dinner at On the Border. It was there that I realized that I might just still be a wee bit traumatized when the waiter stood behind me and asked if I wanted some more tea. I nearly jumped out of my skin and my family rolled with laughter. I apologized and explained my day to him and he promised to not stand behind me anymore. Smart man!

Later that night, I cautioned Mr. Incredible as we climbed into bed for the night that if his foot so much as even brushed across my leg, I might hurt him. And then I said my prayers and asked the Lord to please let my mind rest.

Just as we both drifted off for the night, our miniature Australian Shepherd cried out in severe pain from the utility room. He howled and cried and whimpered and totally freaked me out! Mr. Incredible went to check on him and soon discovered that a scorpion was in the utility room and had stung our dog. I think it hurt him and hurt his feelings. It took him a while before he calmed down...and it took me a while to calm down too. Rattlesnakes and scorpions are two of my biggie fears...and it is TAKS week and I just wanted to get some sleep! Is that too much to ask?

I nearly cried. But, then Mr. Incredible offered to keep the light on and keep watch until I fell asleep. I love that man of mine.

Our house is now on the market. Oh, I'm kidding but I wonder if I can grow my vegetable garden in my jacuzzi bathtub in the safety of my bathroom? Hmmmm.

So here I sit on a Friday morning. I'm back in my classroom, the TAKS test have all been given, the students are exhausted and so are the teachers. It is now Wild kingdom at school....and at home! Oiy! Ya'll have a great weekend.