Careless Weeds: Where the Wild Things Grow

Got weeds? Man, do I have weeds....and I'm not just talking about the ones in my backyard, I'm talking about the ones that have been allowed to take root in my heart and in my mind.

Yes, I'm going there today. Friday's are normally my least visited day, according to my Sitemeter. So, I feel a little safer in my vulnerability on this day.

I don't want you to think that I always have it together and that everything is perfect in my little corner of the world. {I laughed out loud when I read that last sentence! If you have read my blog for awhile, you couldn't possibly think that anyway}

But seriously! I've had fun joining different blog memes lately. While they have been a blast to be a part of and I have learned a tremendous amount of things, they have also come with a little baggage.

You know...or maybe you don't.... I didn't feel up to snuff, so to speak. Every nook and cranny is not perfectly organized in my house. I have more than one junk drawer. I photoshopped out a few cobwebs in yesterday's post because my stinkin' camera is so good that it caught the ones that I couldn't see with my bare eyes. Yes, I did.

Just yesterday, I fed my family a delicious meal from the Sonic dollar menu because my sanity could not possibly take another moment in Walmart where the temperature inside felt like 100 degrees and every other shopper was in a grumpy mood. So, what's a girl to do? I turned around and walked out of the store only to return another day.

{I have to add that I didn't have anything in my cart. There I feel better!}

So, mentally I beat myself up about all of it. We are our worst critics, aren't we?

In my effort to show you that my life is not perfect, here are photos of my backyard:

Can you see the trampoline? Um, me neither!

It was the worst that it has ever been. Our front yard is perfectly manicured and my vegetable garden looks so much better, but the backyard, that is hidden from plain sight, was out of control.



I hate to admit it, but it was quickly becoming a sore subject between Mr. Incredible and I. He has planned to mow it for the last 6 weeks, but he has been too busy.
I'm not working {for money anyway} this summer, but I just didn't want to deal with weeds that were almost as high as my fence.



I started feeling like a fraud...our home looked beautiful from the street, but not from the backyard. It took me several hours this past Tuesday, after playing tennis with Hannah, but I finally was able to mow the backyard.



Wow! I saw a spider that was bigger than my hand, a praying mantis, crickets, grasshoppers, worms, wasps, other bugs that I didn't recognize, and a fat mouse. Yuck! Thankfully, I didn't see a rattlesnake! Now, the backyard looks much more like it should have looked in the first place. I had to tackle it head on.



I've had to tackle the weeds of my heart too! I've been avoiding the Master Gardener in a few major areas and my heart was starting to look like my weed-filled backyard.



In my effort to be transparent with you, I'll share a few of my weeds with you, but only as long as you understand that the issues are with my heart and how I've chosen to let some things get the best of me. I'm not trying to bash anyone, ever:

Okay, here goes, I'm trusting you with my heart right now:

I've struggled with our place at our church {which is one area I've never really struggled with like this before} and a minister who wrote my media ministry off as "easy" and another minister that didn't listen to my concerns about a future mission trip that would involve my precious daughters staying in homes that even the minister would not know....I don't think so! Mr. Incredible and I did that while we were in a singing group at Baylor. We stayed with a man and his mother in Florida and he pulled a gun on us that night. I've never been so terrified in my life!



Struggling with your place in your own church is hard and I don't like it very much! I am the pastor's daughter for heaven sake! My heart condition is so bad that I am having trouble praising the Lord in church...and that has always been one of my most favorite things. It would be so much easier to go to another church, but I'm not sure that is what God has for us right now and besides that, I am a firm believer that when you change churches it should not be out of anger. So, instead of being vigilant about praying about our place and the circumstances that I am finding myself in, I let resentment and bitterness grow like the careless weeds in my backyard. It was easier to just ignore it...or was it?



Also, I just finished an amazing journey of faith with the Lord by going back to school to finish what He called me to do. I was hired as a teacher for next year, and then overnight it seems, self-doubt rooted its way in my heart. What? Thoughts like, "What if I won't be good enough? I'm suppose to know all about computers...because I am now the computer teacher...what if I fail?"



Great thoughts, huh? The bad part is that I started believing them. I was having my daily quiet time with the Lord, but I was not addressing any of these thoughts, I was avoiding them like I avoided my backyard...and the weeds/thoughts continued to grow.



This afternoon, I took much joy in looking at my backyard. That is much better, I said. Why didn't I take care of that weeks ago?

And then I felt the Lord say, "My child, let's work on your heart."
He and I went to a quiet place where He began to speak to my heart
about all that I had been avoiding with Him.



He gently reminded me that I know better than to believe the evil one's lies. I know to match up what I hear or think with Scripture and see what is really True.
He reminded me that the media ministry at church was His idea from the beginning and together He and I have done some pretty cool things....things I never could have done on my own. They were talents given to me by Him...they are not my own...so how could that be an easy thing?!

He reminded me that I may be on the other side of my calling, that I may have reached the finish line, as far as school goes, but He would never leave me there. He still has so much for me to do and that together He and I can do anything.



I was reminded that in my weakness, He is strong. I may have an issue with self confidence about teaching this coming year, but He always equips the ones that He calls and that if I am completely relying on Him, and not my own strength, than it is going to be an incredible year.



As far as the "knowing all about computers because I am now the computer teacher" goes, the Lord reminded me that computers are always changing, how can one person know it all anyway? Besides that, I know the One who is true Wisdom and He has all the answers I will ever need.



I don't have my answer about our place in church just yet, but I do know He is allowing this strange season for a reason and I'm going to choose to trust Him because He has always been faithful. I cried many, many tears with the Lord today, but at the end of my tears, I felt relief. I've been long overdue to meet with the Master Gardener who was patiently waiting for me all along. He knows my desire is to bear much fruit for Him....but it's hard to do that with a heart full of weeds; they choke out the fruit.



Normally, I wouldn't share something so deep and so personal, but I felt like I needed to share it. Maybe you need the reminder too to line up what you think about yourself with Scripture. If it doesn't match, than it is simply not true. I'm still a work in progress. I'm definitely not perfect but I am a daughter of the King who loves me far too much to leave me just the way that I am and I am so thankful for that. More of Jesus and less of me, that's my heart's cry.

Kristi