Ya'll I'm going to take a little break from blogging. I adore each one of you precious friends and followers more than you know....so much so that I don't want you to have to have to see or experience the depths of my heart right now.
On our Lubbock trip last weekend we also came across a field of sunflowers that had already been sprayed so that the farmers could harvest the seeds and the fields looked so sad~in stark contrast to the beautiful, life-filled sunflower seeds we saw only a few feet before.
As we crossed the 3 month mark before surgery this last week, my heart became more anxious and then angry. I honestly don't understand it all nor do I like it one bit. Why my Rachel? Why now? I have loved the Lord and tried to serve Him faithfully since I was 7 years old so I need you to know that I have loved Him far too long to ever doubt His great and fierce love for me and my family or to ever doubt His great faithfulness....but I'm still hurting and feeling like these sad sunflowers:
Oh, I know He has not forgotten us nor is His arm too short to reach us. I believe in His all-sufficiency and I believe in His awesome sovereignty and He is mighty to save and so worthy of our best praise. I believe all of that whole-heartedly, but He and I have some things to work out in this heart of mine. So, I'll be taking a break from blogging.
Even in the pain of my heart He lovingly keeps reminding me that His mercies are new every morning and that He longs to show us great and mighty things that we don't know. My morning devotion was Psalm 121 that says, "I will lift up my eyes to the hills--from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord...." Even in our deepest sorrows, our pain, and our questions He still speaks, and He still cares, and He still loves, and He comes to our rescue.
Oh, He will lift my anxious heart and I will continue to praise Him....even in the sorrow....even in the midst of my daughter's pain....in the midst of my questions....in the midst of my anger... and I will rejoice again!