A day in the life of a crazy woman....welcome~
This is me-I'm having a bad hair day, can you tell?
My temper is a bit on the prickly/pointed side much like this little fellow below:
and the baby watermelon (delight!)
and the cherry tomatoes....finally some tomatoes
and this beautiful flower:
...that looks nothing like me today! See how calm and content it looks?
Yes, nothing like me today.
I represent that idiom (I didn't say idiot...read carefully) of leaving no stone unturned.
You see today, I am finding myself frantically looking for a very important document in our what I thought was well organized home....um not so much apparently.
I have been looking for this item since yesterday afternoon. Mr. Incredible came home to find me in my lovely panic stricken mode and lovingly asked me if I looked like I did all day long....watch out for the flying sauce pan! Yes, sweetheart I know that I am a feast for the eyes today, but I can't be bothered with vanity when I am searching for my lost item~I think I said....sweetly...well maybe not so much on the sweetly part.
Yesterday was one of THOSE days....
"Growing character days" is what my mom calls it.
I think I retorted that I wasn't interested in growing character today I just wanted to find my lost item and get this church home thing settled because my spirit is not settled and on top of all of this, we may be adding an entirely new class to my schedule that will begin in 3 weeks
(which by the way I am really excited about but my type A personality is screaming that I have to get my lesson plans just right and above all learn this new program).
And I think she chuckled a little (but it was out love I assure you because she is an amazing Daughter of the King and I'm confident that she has been through something similar and she doesn't want to see this child of hers setting herself up for a Holy spanking from the Lord, do you know what I am talking about).
I think I am setting myself up for more character building and it might just be called Grace or the "P" word (patience) or something. How interesting that I am running around like that horned toad who looks confident on the outside but obviously doesn't want to be disturbed by anyone....look at his outside covering.
That must be how I am presenting myself to the Lord....oiy! My stubbornness is saying that I am going to find it....we will find where we are suppose to worship and serve....and I will get my lesson plans in perfect order for the semester before it even begins....I will, I will, I will.
I think there is a pattern here....too much of I will and less of Him.
I think of Paul right now, as the tears well up in my eyes, the kind of tears that seem to have been collecting in my soul for the past few weeks, when he truthfully explains, "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate" (Romans 7:15).
I know better than to try to do all of this on my own and in my own power, but my impatience gets the best of me and I try to do it in my own strength and in my own timing.
And what does this attitude and behavior accomplish? Absolutely nothing, except make me look like the horned toad....tough and prickly on the outside to everyone around me....just the look I don't want!
I'm so thankful that God looks past the outer exterior of my life and sees His child who really does want to be more like Jesus everyday, okay most days. He sees past my casual attempt at a quiet time because I want to avoid the Refiner's fire that needs to burn away my pride and my do it-on-my-own attitude. Somehow He sees the real me...and He loves me anyway. Oh, there is no one like Him. He waits patiently for me to pour it out and give it up, even for the 1,000th time, and He loves me anyway....He even longs for me to finally surrender me and asked to be filled completely with Him once more....and He always, always does.
Yes, I am still looking for that document, which I am convinced is not here, but I will do it with a joyful heart once again because I won't be doing it in my own strength or on my own. And this child will finally see that it wasn't about the missing document after all. My Faithful Father and I will be looking through every drawer and nook and cranny of my heart....together He and I will leave no stone unturned....and that's just the way He likes it, isn't it?