Ya'll I'm going to take a little break from blogging. I adore each one of you precious friends and followers more than you know....so much so that I don't want you to have to have to see or experience the depths of my heart right now.
On our Lubbock trip last weekend we also came across a field of sunflowers that had already been sprayed so that the farmers could harvest the seeds and the fields looked so sad~in stark contrast to the beautiful, life-filled sunflower seeds we saw only a few feet before.
As we crossed the 3 month mark before surgery this last week, my heart became more anxious and then angry. I honestly don't understand it all nor do I like it one bit. Why my Rachel? Why now? I have loved the Lord and tried to serve Him faithfully since I was 7 years old so I need you to know that I have loved Him far too long to ever doubt His great and fierce love for me and my family or to ever doubt His great faithfulness....but I'm still hurting and feeling like these sad sunflowers:
Oh, I know He has not forgotten us nor is His arm too short to reach us. I believe in His all-sufficiency and I believe in His awesome sovereignty and He is mighty to save and so worthy of our best praise. I believe all of that whole-heartedly, but He and I have some things to work out in this heart of mine. So, I'll be taking a break from blogging.Even in the pain of my heart He lovingly keeps reminding me that His mercies are new every morning and that He longs to show us great and mighty things that we don't know. My morning devotion was Psalm 121 that says, "I will lift up my eyes to the hills--from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord...." Even in our deepest sorrows, our pain, and our questions He still speaks, and He still cares, and He still loves, and He comes to our rescue.
Oh, He will lift my anxious heart and I will continue to praise Him....even in the sorrow....even in the midst of my daughter's pain....in the midst of my questions....in the midst of my anger... and I will rejoice again!
Oh Kristi, I'm still praying for Rachel and your family. May your heart find comfort and strength in the LORD. May He touch your precious daughter and may your faith stay steady.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you.
Oh my friend. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. Let me tell you that I understand. You will not be forgotten nor will I stop praying for Rachel and the rest of you as well. I do hope that you will keep us updated on her because I will definitely want to know. Take as long of a break as you need. But never stop trusting in Him! He knows your heart and will be there to comfort you. Please hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI want to say that I love that last picture of the sunflowers because when I saw that one that was standing above the rest, all I could think about is how your daughter is going to overcome this obstacle and be able to stand up stronger than ever in her faith.
Okay I've written a book but I just wanted to let you know how much I care about you!
Big lovin' hugs from Florida
Kim
You are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteOh, dear Kristi! I so hate that you all of to go thru this! Keep clinging to God and spend the time with Him and with your family that you need.
ReplyDeleteI will be keeping each of you close in my heart and in my prayers!
Oh Kristi! My heart goes out to you! Our message at church this morning really spoke to me..our pastor mentioned the meaning of down cast. Those words are peppered through out the Psalms. I just thought it was sad, bummed out...but really it originated from cast down sheep. Did you know that if a sheep falls on its back, it can't get up...it's just stuck and within a couple of hours, if not righted, it can die from a build up of gas that suffocates it....I know! Who knew! So anyway, we're kind of the same way...when we keep getting blow, after blow our soul gets pummeled..we get stuck and without a shepard to right us, our soul will die. Your daughter's pain is not part of God's plan...neither is yours!!! Breath, remember that you can't do this on your own, trust in Him who loves you more deeply then we can ever imagine. Faith is grown in the valley. God will lead you through. Praying for you and your family!!!
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you. Take all the time you need. We'll be here for you.
ReplyDeleteYou are loved dear friend!
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for you and will continue!
Blessings to you!
~Lana~
I will for sure continue to pray for Rachel and peace for your family prior, during and after the surgery. I will for sure be here when you get back. Having been there myself with neurological issues - It is never a fast , quick process but then again that is kind of how God works ...
ReplyDeleteKristi, we will be praying. I am asking that God pour out His comfort to you, and His peace that surpasses all understanding, as you take your requests and lay them at His feet. We love you and your family so much.
ReplyDeleteTake the time you need. Remember that God is always good and He is faithful. It's hard sometimes, when life serves us blows and we don't understand. But God is walking with you during this time. I am praying for you and Rachel and the family.
ReplyDeleteSweet friend, I'm so sorry for what you and your family are experiencing right now with Rachel. I can't begin to imagine. It's so hard when we don't understand. Please know while you're away I'm continuing to lift you and your precious girl.
ReplyDeleteWith loving thoughts and prayers...
Tracy
Oh, Dear, I'm so sorry ~ Praying the pain will go, and that God will touch Rachel with His healing hand. Also praying for comfort and strength in the Lord ~ Loved your pretty sunflowers. He is the lifter of our heads.
ReplyDeleteSweet friend, you have been on my heart for the last few days. I have so felt like a wilted sunflower many a day. I was on my bathroom floor sobbing my eyes out several times last week. I was just struggling with feelings of failure in my role as mom. I thought of you and how I was sure there were days you went through similiar moments with little girls, but how now, years later, it seems like you all just adore each other. I love the life you have created for your girls~I know they feel secure in your love and they trust you to make the absolute best decisions for them. (Something my girls can't really comprehend yet)
ReplyDeleteI know I am rambling, but you are such an encourager to so many. I consider it a blessing to have stumbled across your beautiful blog and I will look forward to your return! I completely understand the need for a rest...there are some things that just need to be cried out to the Lord or written in a personal journal! I will continue to lift you all up to our sovereign Father!
Hi Sweet Kristi,
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how you feel as far as it being your precious child, but I remember feeling the same way when I found out my Daddy had cancer. I was so hurt, angry, "But God, I cover my Daddy in prayer daily! I love You and serve You with my whole heart!" Then I realized what I was saying ...
God bless you, Rachel, and the rest of your family.
Love in Him,
Beth