06 January 2009

Held Together by His Mighty Hand

***Updated: After I posted this, I crawled into bed for a little more sleep. The words I typed "What am I going to do?" echoed in my mind. The Lord seemed to whisper, "Sweet child of mine it's not "What am I going to do" it's "What is I AM going to do?" Praise You, Father! I'll try to be patient as I wait to see what the Great I Am is going to do.

I like pretty packages wrapped with beautiful bows. I like for my life to seem like a pretty package tied with a beautiful bow...even though it has never been perfect. I don't particularly like messy...although my mind thinks of our closet in our first apartment that we lived in when we were newlyweds. Oh, my heavens! I don't think we hung anything up for the first 3 months. It was a sight to behold. But, we didn't care. We were in love and that's all that mattered. We are still in love after 18 1/2 years of marriage but most of us choose to use hangers now.

Life seems to be kind of a mess right now. Believe me, I know it's not the mess that it could be, it's just not the neat package I want it to be right now either. I probably should have prefaced this post by saying Rachel and I have slept for only an hour. It's almost four in the morning now. If this post seems more random than usual...well there you go.

While I thought she was in her room sleeping, she was writing 14 pages in her journal. I encouraged her this afternoon to start writing a journal about this new adventure with the Lord. Fourteen pages? Wow! I don't know where she gets this. (I know my posts have been long lately.) She said that she felt much better getting it all out. Writing is cathartic for me too. I was tossing and turning while listening to "Buzz" sleeping, I mean snoring, next to me but all the while praying and thinking. I was watching the clock until it was time to give Rachel another dose of pain medicine. Since I can't seem to go back to sleep I'll just share what we know as of now.

We waited 2 hours to see the pediatrician yesterday. He pretty much confirmed what was already suspected by the radiologists. Our next step is to see a pediatric neurosurgeon. It is not an emergency but we need to see someone as soon as possible. We are asking God to show us to the right doctor and for there to be an opening in his schedule very soon.

God is already answering this prayer. The doctor that was recommended first doesn't specialize in this particular area. Thank you, Father; he is not the right one for us. I hope that you understand why I am not listing the name of the disorder just yet. I will feel more confident about the diagnosis when it is confirmed by the neurosurgeon.

I feel a bit selfish in even mentioning this but maybe this will help you understand my need for my life to be wrapped with a beautiful bow at this moment. My last three classes start in 6 days. What am I going to do? Also, I was asked to start teaching in two weeks for the beloved teacher who recently went home to be with Jesus. She was a big part of my decision to return back to school to become teacher certified. I feel so honored to even be considered for her classes. I just always pictured teaching along side her. They would like for me to start in 2 weeks. What am I going to do?

It's 4 in the morning and I've already had my devotion time with the Lord today. Do you want to know what He said? Often "God does not open paths for us before we come to them, or provide help before help is needed. He does not remove obstacles out of our way before we reach them. Yet when we are at our point of need, God's hand is outstretched" (Streams in the Desert). Oh, He is God and there is nothing that He can't do. He can certainly remove obstacles before we reach them, but if they are removed before we get there, then we would miss seeing His hand at work in our lives, wouldn't we?

I don't need the bow...I need His outstretched hand and the peace in knowing that He has all of the answers and all I have to do is reach out and take His mighty hand.

I like the poem at the end of the devotion for today:

"When you pass through the waters,
Deep the waves may be and cold,
But Jehovah is our refuge,
And His promise is our hold;
For the Lord Himself has said it,
He, the faithful God and true:
"When you come to the waters
You will not go down, BUT THROUGH."

Seas of sorrow, seas of trial,
Bitter anguish, fiercest pain,
Rolling surges of temptation
Sweeping over heart and brain-
They will never overflow us
For we know His Word is true;
All His waves and all His billows
He will lead us safely THROUGH.

Threatening breakers of destruction,
Doubt's insidious undertow,
Will not sink us, will not drag us
Out to ocean depths of woe;
For His promise will sustain us,
Praise the Lord, whose Word is true!
We will not go down, or under,
For He says, "You will pass THROUGH."
Annie Johnson Flint

It's not a bow that holds our life together; it's His hand. I can't think of a better place to be. Can you? So for now I'll take comfort knowing that His mighty hands are holding my family...there is great comfort there.

Joyfully,

Kristi

9 comments:

  1. OH my friend. That spoke to my heart today! I can't really say to do anything you aren't already doing because first and foremost you are to seek His face and you are already doing that. I know He will be faithful to answer your prayers and guide you in the way HE wants you to go! Big hugs wrapped around you and your family today!
    Kim

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  2. Oh Kristi--I understand exactly where you are right now. I've been there recently and at other times in my life. God does take us through the storms and He does teach us more and more about trusting Him and His ways during these troublesome times. And He ties the bow around us and calls us His!

    I fear I'm going to write a post as a comment to you---

    The very first daily devotional book I ever used for a quiet time when I was a teenager was Steams in the Desert. Ever few years, I go through it again. I hadn't chosen this year's devotional with things so hectic until I started reading some of your recent posts with quotes from it. So I found my 30 something year old copy of Streams in the Desert to go through again this year. The writings just always seem to speak to me where I am even though they were written so long ago (1925).

    I understand about the school situation too. My husbands heart problem came during finals week for my school. I was only taking two classes and had good grades going into finals. I contacted my teachers and both ended up excusing me from the final exams. I got A's, but somehow I still feel like I didn't quite complete the task.

    I've been praying for you and for Rachel.

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  3. So grateful to hear from you. Continuing to keep you and your family close in my thoughts and prayers. I know questions are looming large right now, but His timing is perfect. Rest securely in that and keep your mind fixed on Him. He'll show you the path, even if moment by moment. (I know that's hard for those of us who like things settled neatly in advance.) Hugs to you!

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  4. May God bless you and meet your every need. (Phil.4:19) He is faithful.

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  5. What a brave and beautiful post that touched my heart. Praying for you and your family!

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  6. Oh sweet friend, I had no idea all of this was going on. Last I checked in you were making black eyed pea salsa. I am so sorry that you have had so much on your plate. I will be lifting you all up today. How perfect that your devotions, though written a while ago have been just what you needed at this moment. Love you!

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  7. Kristi,

    Praying for divine wisdom for the neurosurgeon.

    Praying for God's mighty hand to show up and bless all of your socks off = especially the doctors.

    Praying for peace, and comfort knowing His hand is upon Rachel and your family now.

    Praying that you let the head knowledge of who He is sink deep into your heart and soul as He asks you to walk through this by faith in all He can do. That it will be His plans which are best and often not tied in a package or bow that looks so easy or pretty to touch or pick up. Knowing His plans for all of you are hope, peace and a future - rest in that.

    Rest in knowing through His suffering He was exalted. Rest in knowing that no matter what the diagnosis is - He is the same today as He will be tomorrow!

    Trusting and beleiving in Faith that God will do all that He has promised and more through this trial!

    Lifting you up tonight!
    Love and blessings,
    Jill

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  8. When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you; and

    when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.

    When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;

    the flames will not set you ablaze.

    Isaiah 43:2 NIV

    This is the verse I am memorizing... it was such a promise... or guarantee... of the great I AM. When we wonder if anyone is listening... He says, "I AM!" Continued in prayer...

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  9. Any Mom can feel your pain. I am so grateful that God has been encouraging you and bringing you THROUGH to the other side.

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart.

    Love,
    Beth

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Thank you for visiting my little corner of the world today. I just love reading your comments! May you have a blessed day in the Lord today!